Where Do You Stand?

Where Do You Stand?

5 February 2020

I am going to say something that may not be popular, but oh well.

I may lose some Facebook friends and some “friends,” but oh well…

If I have to think and act like you then… You were not my friend anyway!

You can delete me, or I can remove you… not an issue!

Well, I am not sitting back watching in the wings any longer! I will no longer bite my tongue.

I made a post earlier that said it only takes one person to change the world….

I have always been careful about what I post. I don’t demean or drag anyone in social media.

I am tired of we as a people and as a nation sitting back quietly while the morals in this country go to hell in a handbasket!

I am tired of posts by myself, or others getting attacked every time we oppose this leader, and no one comes to our defense! Silence IS acceptance!

I am tired of preaching and teaching my kids and my church babies that they need to do what is right, and they always need to treat people with respect, and yet it is not mirrored by our leaders. Then we are asked why?

I am tired of sitting by and watching people criticize anything someone says or does. Still, when Trump, the leader of this nation, demeans on social media and in national appearances, it is excused or ignored.

He has degraded a decorated war hero, mocked someone with a disability on national TV– 16-year-old child--, and the Central Park Exonerated. He has called women everything but their names, and even insinuated that a widow’s husband was in hell looking up at her! If we teach and tell our kids this is wrong, then why is it tolerated for this President?

People who I know to be God-fearing Christians stand by and never make a single post when this man is attacking someone in the most unchristian like way. But they are ready to drag Nancy Pelosi and anyone else though the mud when they oppose him. Posting demeaning memes is a characteristic of who? What would Jesus do?

Where is the grace?

Before anyone says it is not the same thing… What would you do if your child’s school called and said your child was behaving in this manner?

I know mine had better NOT EVER!!!

Posting about what happened during the State of the Union…. Don’t think that we have not forgotten behavior that was exhibited by the Republicans when President Obama gave his State of the Union addresses.

You said nothing when Michelle Obama, who is a Harvard and Princeton graduate, had a stellar law career, and also just earned her Ph.D. was dragged and attacked about the way she looked or for wearing short sleeves. You said nothing when she was called out of her name, and even her daughters were attacked. In fact, some laughed. But you give the current First Lady high praise when she has…. (I won’t also mention such vulgarities here). Don’t even get me started on Obama’s birth certificate and Trump’s taxes.

My point is…

I have been voting for a long time, and I have not agreed with everything any president has done. Until this current administration, I have always held all of our presidents in the highest regard.

HOWEVER, I have said this before, and I will keep saying it. As a Christian, educated, black woman, I will never support anyone regardless of their race, creed, religious affiliation, or political party who is morally corrupt! I do, and I will continue to pray for this President and the leaders of our nation, but I will NOT support, make excuses, nor condone what he does.

I will continue to pray, fight, and speak up like my ancestors did before me. 

I will work to ensure that the civil rights and voting rights of all Americans stay intact and are respected.

I will not be silent. 

I will not back down. 

I chose to fight for the people whose voices cannot be heard. 

I do and will always choose love!

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr.

Where do you stand?

LIVE and LOVE HARD!! Follow Your Dreams! 

Time is precious… DON’T WASTE IT!

Friday, 31 January 2020

Family,

It took me some time to make this post. I needed to take stock of my own emotions regarding the death of Kobe Bryant and his 13-year-old daughter Gianna. I needed to make sure what I wanted to say was not stated with too much emotion. I wanted to write a sound commentary.

I am reminded of a scripture that Morgan’s Sorority sisters gave to her when her dad passed. This scripture became one that I have stood on. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18 NIV).

I can’t say that I have followed Kobe’s career like some, but have sports fanatics in my family, so I definitely know who he was. I cannot even start to say, and I know Vanessa’s pain because I have both my daughters. However, for many widows, when you hear of another sister losing her husband, you can help but feel a stab in your own heart. I felt the need to say something to my circle, by my base, my family, to the people who I think listen to me.

It does not matter who the person is, or their celebrity status, or how much money a person has. This does not negate the fact that Vanessa Bryant lost TWO people that she loved with her heart and soul. She is grieving, and she is still going to be strong and present for her daughters because that’s what mothers do.

Let me tell you this, death and grief cross every ethnic, economic, religious, social, background in this universe! Can you name me one area, person, nation, or community that has not been affected by death?

Do you really think that because someone has money that their grief is less than anyone else?

Do you really think that because a person is famous that their grief is different?

Please tell me how their pain and grief are different? IT IS NOT!

If anything, it can be worse. They are forced to grieve and process their loss in the eye of the hypocritical, insincere, and unforgiving public!

I would love to say I am surprised and shocked by the many negatives posts and comments I have read since Sunday afternoon. However, I sadden to say that I am not. Everything from TMZ releasing information before the families were informed, the misinformation regarding who was on the helicopter, the reporter who felt the need to bring up his past just 2 HOURS after his death, to people and their insensitive comments, was insensitive and morally wrong!

I am sick of all of the negativity in our country!!

You can’t compare death or how the world responds to the death of someone who is well known by the world. The climate of the world we live in today and the spitefulness of our country leaders has made it acceptable for people to “tell it like it is,” regardless of how it could affect someone else.

I wish I could say I have never seen so much disrespect in this country. That would be a lie. For many of us, it has been going on for years, but social media has just elevated the cruelty to the front lines.

To those of us that may have widows or widowers in our communities, it is my prayer that you not only think before you attempt of comfort, but please pray first. You would not believe the many messages I have received, or things said to me in person about how they feel I should grieve, survive, live my life, and other ill-advised advice. I am not trying to be ungrateful or seem unappreciative, but no one other than the LORD can look out for my children and me better than me. I truly thank God every day for the genuine, sincere people in my village.

Just a simple statement of “I am praying for you,” or you are in my thoughts and prayer,” will go a long way.

People who are grieving all grieve differently and time is NOT a factor. It is not up to us to decide when it is time for them to “get over it or move on.” That is their OWN process, and it is not determined by time. It is between them and God.

Vanessa and her family will need her time to process all of this. They have a long road ahead of them. What little I do know about Kobe and Vanessa is that they were believers, and they were raising their daughters to have faith in God. I am sure Vanessa has a great support system with family and friends and their church. God, faith, family, friends, and church are the components in my life that are seeing me through. I am sure that she will lean on those elements to see her and her daughters through this.

This will not be easy, and this phase of her life is probably the most challenging she has ever had to deal with. More importantly, in time, she will get through this.

In time she will find it easier to wake up every day with promise.

In time she will look into the eyes of her babies and not break out into tears.

In time she will find her new purpose for her life and walk in that purpose.

In time as time and life move on, she will learn to move forward.

In time she will become stronger, and she is now gaining strength every day!

But in the meantime, my prayer for the Bryant family is that they stay close to God. I pray that they reach out when they have a need, and trust God to get them thought this. He is there, He has always been there, and he will NEVER leave their sides.

For those of us who are watching and praying… LIVE and LOVE HARD!! Follow your dreams! 

You are NEVER too old to dream!

Live and love those around you!

Tell them you love them and that you appreciate them EVERY DAY!!

LOVE
FORGIVE
LOVE
LIVE

Live life with no regrets!

We don’t know how much time we have left on this earth, but I do know that that time is precious!

DON’T WASTE IT!

Trust God

His results are amazing!
Thursday, January 23, 2020

Hey Beloveds,

Of Course, when the Lord inspires as me to write well…I write. I tried everything to make this post yesterday, but I ran up against so many roadblocks!

However, it did give me more time to think about what Minister Kai said yesterday morning about digging out of the deep, out of the darkness. This morning he talked about peace and being who God created us to be, and we can’t do that until we find the peace that only GOD can give.

Many of you know I have been in the valley of the shadow of death. I was in the bottomless pit of darkness. It was not easy digging and climbing out of that pit, but I know that I could not have done it without the Lord.

I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel, the dark pit of despair. It was easier for me to stay where I was are rather than charter to the unknown and try digging myself out. Let me tell you, staying in the dark pit is no place for us to be, and God does not want us to stay there. I had a temporary residence in this hellacious pit!

This is a place where the enemy lives and rules.

The devil loves that place because in his home in his presence…

There is disparity
There is desperateness
There is no peace
There is judgment
There is evil
There are suicidal thoughts
Everything that is the opposite of what our Father wants for us is in that bottomless dark pit of despair.

The Good News is you don’t have to stay there!
Yes, there is a way out!

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You MUST trust God through the process
You MUST lean on him
You MUST put all your faith
You MUST put hope
You MUST believe in him

 

 

 

 

I promise He will lead you out of that pit.
He will put all the necessary resources that you will need to help you get and stay out!

Please don’t give up and trust God. He has always been there. He is still here for you!
He said that HE will never leave you nor forsake you! 100% TRUTH!!

In my moments of despair and desperation, God did not leave me.
I was hurt. I was angry. I felt hopeless.
I left him. I walked away. I turned my back. I chose not to trust.
I decided to let the enemy in my head.

But God was there!
HE never left my side!
He was continually telling me that he loves me
That he has plans for me
He said that it was NOT my time

But, even during my time in the darkness, HE used me, and HE never gave up on me, and eventually, I didn’t give up on myself.
But I had a choice to make….

I had to choose to be who God created me to be, He equipped me for this time
I had to choose to dig out, but I didn’t dig out alone
I had to choose to live, but I don’t live alone
I had to choose to heal, but I did not heal alone
I had to choose to pray, but I did pray alone
I had to decide to step out on faith, but I DON’T walk alone
I have my JESUS with me every step of the way!

“Only those who believe that Jesus Christ is God’s Son can overcome the world”
                                                                                     1 John 5:4

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I overcame my circumstances because I did not give up. I fought hard, and I trusted God because HE believed in me, and I believed in JESUS!
Thank you, LORD!

I love you all!
Have a fantastic day!

JESUS JOY

Happy New Year!!!

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JESUS JOY

I am not going to blog or write about my expectations for 2020. Yes, even my daughters were shocked.

I have my goals and what I want out of 2020, but I am choosing to move silently, allowing GOD to direct my path. Anything God has for me, I am ready to receive.

However, our prayer focus for this morning was perfect, and God placed it upon my heart to share my journey to JESUS JOY.

If you have not read my post over the past 4 years or my blog, I lost my late husband in October of 2016. I suffered from depression, suicidal thoughts, feelings of worthlessness, I was an understandable mess. But God was not having it, and honestly, neither was I!

I have moved forward with my life and I have so much JOY and genuine happiness in my life!

I had to dig deep to find the Joy that God had placed in me when he formed me before I was placed in my mother’s womb. It was JESUS JOY

It is something that has carried me for the past 3 years going in my 4th year.

Year 1 Restoration
Year 2 Renewal
Year 3 Rejuvenation
Year 4 Discovery.
(I will write about these at a later date)

Joy, true JESUS JOY is rooted deep within our soul, and only Jesus can give us that pure Joy!

NO ONE can be truly happy without JESUS JOY.

I can tell you, I am a living witness… it is a facade, it is fake happiness.

The Lord saved me from my dark place, and I am not the person I was three years ago. HIS JOY was, and is definitely my strength!

Happiness in a surface emotion, but the true JESUS JOY that comes from the LORD is deeper.

It requires something from us…
It requires us to take some action…
It requires us to have something…
It requires us to be somewhere

What does it require? 

It requires us to have something… FAITH

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My faith is a foundation on which I have always stood, so holding on to my faith was not hard. I just needed to be reminded of and remind myself that God is still with me no matter what! Faith is something that does not just happen faith some after you have been through some things, and we have sought God, and he has been there. Faith is not in the CHURCH faith is IN GOD and only GOD!

It requires us to take some action… pray, petition, and or (if needed) seek therapy

We have to want Joy in our lives. I know for me I did not want to feel depressed, I knew that deep down I did not want to commit suicide, but I also knew that I had to do something about the thoughts that were tormenting my mind. I had to pray, and others were praying for me. I mention the prayer focus above that comes from a prayer line where we get together Monday through Friday morning to pray for each other, our community, and this country. The saints on that prayer line and others prayed me out of the darkness, and God let me to therapy. Believe me, both were desperately needed.

It requires something from us… total surrender

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We cannot give something over to God and keep picking it up. Ether, we give it to him and let it go, or we keep worrying about it.

Worrying will prevent you from having JESUS JOY.

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It requires us to be somewhere… In a position to receive

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JESUS JOY just won’t come and perch its self on you. It requires you to be in a position to receive it. After you have kept the faith, prayed, and given over whatever is keeping you from God’s Joy, then you are in a position to receive true JESUS JOY. It will not be easy because the enemy will try to convince us that happiness and Joy are the same things. THEY ARE NOT! He will try to convince us that we do not need JESUS JOY.

I believe we were created and born with Jesus Joy, but life circumstances will cause us to suppress it. Think about a child they are joyful. Think about a baby’s belly laugh; it will bring a smile to our face and warmth to our heart. They are experiencing pure and true JESUS JOY. It is the strength that sustains us.

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I am the poster child for choosing Joy regardless of my circumstances. I refuse to give the enemy any joy, kudos, or accolades over my life. God has been way too good for me to allow this to happen.

If I am declaring and promoting anything publicly for 2020, I am declaring that I continue I choose and promote that I still choose to have JESUS JOY over anything.

When you think about Jesus Joy, it’s clear and straightforward…

The Joy of the Lord is your strength.
(Nehemiah 8:10)

Day 10 – 10 Day Walk Out of the Valley of Darkness: No Regrets

Day 10

No Regrets

October 25, 2019

On Day 10, three years ago, on a beautiful crisp sunny Tuesday afternoon, I said goodbye to the central part of my heart. The tumor in his lung had covered his bronchial airways, and he could no longer breath on his own. He was surrounded by those who loved us. We sang his favorite songs (we struggled with some of the words lol), we read scriptures and prayed, we worshiped, and we still hoped for a miracle.

But it was God’s will to bring Michael home.

The ICU was very cold all the time. During the night, I would sleep with my coat on and warm blankets from the nurses. That afternoon there were about 20 people in the room. Most days, we had many visitors come through, and the nursing staff was always gracious to allow us to be over capacity. However, that particular morning, God was indeed in control of everything, including our environment. On that afternoon, we experienced a real miracle.
From the time we started praying, singing, and reading scripture, that room was so warm and cozy. (Remember this) We worshiped for about an hour before the signal was given to the hospice nurse to remove the respirator. Michael seemed to breathe on his own at first; then, he started to struggle… I want to yell at them to put him back on the machine, but I knew it was time for me to let him go… this is what I saw play out in my spirit…

Jesus entered the room when we started our worship. When we genuinely worship, there is always a shift in the atmosphere, and when Jesus entered, the room was warm. I believe as Michael started to struggle to breathe, the Lord was telling him it was time. He stood at the brink between going with the Lord and staying with us. I believed he looked back at us and backed at Jesus did not know what to do. I laid my head on his chest and told him that I loved him, and I was so proud of him. He fought long and hard and that he could let go because we would be fine. In the next few moments, he let go and took the hand of Jesus and when home. At that moment, the presence of the Lord was still in the room, but all of the warmth left the room with Jesus and Michael.

It is a moment that I think most of us in that room will never forget. Heaven is real, and Michael and many of our other loved ones are celebrating the day he returned home.
On Day 10, October 25, Year anytime, will always pierce my heart, and there will always be moments of sadness.

Today, I refuse to be sad and cry.
Today, I am walking out of the valley of darkness, and I am not looking back!
Today, I have a hope and a future to look forward to.
Today, I live my life with no regrets.
Today, I am allowing God to direct my path.
Today, I am attempting to live my life to the fullest.
Today, I am loved, and I do love.
Today, I continue to survive and live.
Today, I think about the happy times.
Today, I will not allow obstacles, people, situations, or circumstances to get in my way.
Today, I am living my life with no explanations to anyone

Today, God has NOT given me a spirit of fear but of love, peace, and of a sound mind!

My life is far from perfect, but my daughters and I are living life one moment at a time. We have the favor of the Lord, and we are living with no regrets.
Remember, we are not promised tomorrow.
Life is so precious and SHORT. Keep those that you love close and never fail to tell them how much you love them.

I love you all, and thank you for keeping me in your prayers!

Day 9 – 10 Day Walk Out of the Valley of Darkness: Dreams Deferred

Day 9

October 24, 2019

Dreams Deferred

On Day 9, three years ago, I can vividly remember the early morning watching the sun come up, sitting in ICU at Providence Hospital Room 108, thinking about shattered dreams. Thinking about how many dreams would not be realized, would not happen, would not be experienced, and would not be celebrated.

Dreams are our thoughts, imaginings, ideas, visions, and aspirations. They are also our hopes, ambitions, and desires. Dreams are what YOU WANT of your life or your future. Dreams are good to have.
But…

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore—
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over—
Like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?
-Langston Hughes

This is what I was feeling…

Dreams are not always necessarily your reality. At least mine was not.
I felt like my dreams exploded.
My dreams “sagged like a heavy load.”

However, thank GOD, it did not stay that way. I have learned some valuable lessons over these past two years and 364 days.

My dreams were not GOD’s plan.

OUR dreams are not always GOD’s plan.

I had to learn to be at peace with this revelation in my life. As I sat in the room with life holding medical machines beeping, I thought that for me, my life was over.

However, life was beginning for the both of us. This chapter was painfully coming to an end, and for the first time and only time in 29 years, we were headed into different directions.

As much as we were still praying for a miracle, had to take in consideration that Michael could be ending his journey on earth and entering into his eternal life with Jesus. I was getting ready to enter into chapter 2 of my life reluctantly.

That morning as I looked on as a beautiful life was coming to an end, at the moment, I did not know if I would survive. I did not know what to expect, and I was terrified! It would be the first time in 29 years that I would be alone. You don’t know how that feels until you have experienced it for yourself. I pray that you DON’T!

It is the loneliest feeling is to feel alone in a room full of people.

This was my reality.

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.” -Psalm 34:18

However, today, I am surviving and thriving, despite every trick, every word of discouragement, every feeling of despair, every suicidal thought, every act of bondage the enemy and his minions tried to throw at my family and me.

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He thought he had me! (ha!) THAT FOOL!

I am conquering!
I am winning!
I am victorious!
I am dreaming!
I am because HE is I AM!
I am because HE is I AM!
“I am who I am.”
-Exodus 3:14

The enemy did not know that even though I could not fight, and did not know where to begin, the “I AM” in me was bigger than anything he could throw at me. I knew that GOD would not let me be defeated!

I had to do my part. I had to go through some things, pray over and on many things, liberate myself of many stigmas.
I had to surrendered a lot, and allow GOD to intervene in my life.

I now have a sense of renewal and restoration in this season of my life.

New and wonderful journeys are on the horizon, and I can dream once again.

Day 9 permits me to HOPE.

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Day 8.1 – 10 Day Walk Out of the Valley of Darkness Memories (The Way We Were)

Day 8.1

October 24, 2019

Memories (The Way We Were)

Why day 8.1? Because Day 1 three years ago was really (ground zero) day 0.
Day 8.1 is all about memories. I have been thinking a lot about memories. When memories are all that you have left, you want to remember the important significant things. You don’t remember petty differences or disagreements. We all have good and bad memories of our lives. When I looked back on the past 29 years of life together, I remember many wonderful memories.

Memories are the historical accounts of our lives.
Memories, good or bad are lessons that teach.
Memories are moments from our past that will forever shape our life and our future life.
Memories are beautiful and painful.
Memories are happy and sad.
Memories are joy and pain.
Memories are sweet and sour.

There are:
Memories of the past that I want to forget.
Memories of total and complete sadness and despair.
(These are the memories, although painful, are the ones that shaped my character and created who I am today.)

Memories that I choose to remember and hold in my heart are good and pleasant:

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” (Philippians 4:8)

Memories that made me laugh and created joy.
Memories of all the wonderful places I have gone.
Memories of people that had a significant impact on my life.
Memories that made me reconsider a path I was taking.
Memories that are praiseworthy!

There was a song I loved in high school called “Way We Were” by Barbra Streisand:

Memories light the corners of my mind
Misty water-colored memories of the way we were

Scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind,
Smiles we gave to one another for the way we were

Can it be that it was all so simple then
Or has time rewritten every line
If we had the chance to do it all again
Tell me, would we?
Could we?

Memories may be beautiful and yet
What’s too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget

So it’s the laughter we will remember
Whenever we remember…. The way we were…

Memories are also very present,
I am still in the process of making very wonderful memories.
I am still a work in progress…

Day 8 – 10 Day Walk Out of the Valley of Darkness Survival (continued existence)

Day 8

October 23, 2019

Survival (continued existence)

On Day 8, three years ago, as I sat and watched a beautiful, well-lived life diminish from this reality, I could not help but think about my own existence. When you are faced with someone else’s mortality, you can’t help but think about your own.

However, on day 8 today, we are faced with another life gone too soon by their own hands. Another mother, father, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends left in the aftermath. I have always been very intentional and upfront about my own experiences with suicide and depression, and I have promised that I will tell my testimony when it is needed and requested.

I am so glad that on the night I was home alone and I was faced with the agonizing decision if I wanted to end my life that Lord inserted into my head visions of my babies, and not just my babies I gave birth to. Still, my babies, I have adopted into my life over the years.

What would life be for them if I took my own life?

Would my daughters survive my death after their father’s death?

How could I have preached and taught that the love of Christ is there for everyone who accepts it, and I did not?

How could I have said all these years, God can get you through anything if you only trust him, and I did not?

”The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.” (John: 10:10)

That night I had the potential to burst every dream, turn hope into despair, betray love, and turn trust into doubt in the minds of young people God had allowed into my life. God trusted me with their minds, hearts, and souls, and I was about to betray them and the LORD. I cried and cried that night and then the next day when I went to Munson Army Health Center, for a doctor’s appointment. I checked the, “Yes, I have thoughts of suicide in the past months” That statement was not looked over, actions were taken that day, and I was sitting before a clinical social worker to get evaluated. Within the next few weeks, God led me to an excellent Christian therapist.

Disclaimer: (as I have said many times)

I do not doubt that God can and will get you through anything, even suicide. HOWEVER, for me, my heart and my mind is so clouded with sadness, anger, and hurt, I could not hear from God. I was in a deep depression.

But, he heard me, and he pulled me through darkness into His light. Once I was able to deal with my depression, I was able to handle the guilt, sadness, hurt, and anger. I was then able to hear from God clearly.

Depression is not a fad that will go away. Depression is real and very prevalent in our society, including young people and the African American community, whether they want to admit to it or not!

We can no longer sit idly by and say they are too young to have those feelings or thoughts or black people don’t go to therapy, or you are weak if you go to therapy!

IT HAS TO STOP!!

We are losing too many of our young people to suicides!!

If you are having feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or worthlessness

If you are feeling angry, of frustrated of small things

If you are having a loss of interest in your normal activates

If you lack energy or you are tired all the time

IF YOU ARE HAVING THOUGHTS OF DEATH AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

I BEG YOU… PLEASE SEEK HELP

See your family doctor, clinic of a mental health professional as soon as possible!

If you are reluctant, see any of the above. PLEASE talk to a friend, loved one, your pastor, or anyone you can trust!

Call the suicide hotline number:

‪1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)‬

IF you are a VETERAN use that same number and press “1” to reach the Veterans Crisis Line

FRIENDS, FAMILY, and LOVED ONES:

If someone tells you they are contemplating suicide if they say they are hurting and the pain won’t go away, PLEASE take them seriously!

Stay with them until you can get them to a mental health professional, the ER, if you can’t, do not hesitate or call ‪911‬.

We need you!

The world needs you!

I chose to live, and so can YOU!

I love you all with all the love that Jesus has for you!

😘♥️😘

Day 7 – 10 Day Walk Out of the Valley of Darkness: GOD’s Way

Day 7

October 22, 2019

GOD’s Way

Day 7, on this day three years ago, after we heard all of the doctors, specialists, palliative care representatives, and chaplains, and after much prayer discussion, anger, sadness, and crying, we finally had to put our unwavering trust in the LORD.

I did not understand and …
I still don’t understand the reason why my life took such a turn.
I did not understand why I left with such devastation in destruction.
I did not understand why I was left to pick up so many broken pieces of my life.
I could not fathom why I was left to mend my heart broken into a million pieces
I could not comprehend why I was left to console our beautiful daughters.
I could not figure out why I was left alone to parent our daughters.
I could not decipher why I was abandoned and left alone…
I could not understand why my life, like a discarded sitcom, without warning, reasoning, or goodbye…
I could not understand why my life was canceled…

GOD, I don’t understand why things are happening the way they are in my life right now, but I do understand that your ways are better than mine.
I trust you, GOD!
AMEN!

For me, it was GOD’S Way or NO WAY!

When all those circumstances above made no sense, I had to trust GOD’s Way.

When I wanted to do it my way, I had to trust GOD’s Way.

I never gave up hope because I decided to trust GOD’s Way.

I had to trust my life and the life of my children to GOD’S Way.

Even when I was alone and sinking deep in depression, I had to trust GOD’s Way.

Even when I was screaming and crying on the inside but keeping a brave face on the outside, I had to trust GOD’s Way.

Even when the voices in my head were spouting words of condemnation, that I could not trust GOD, that HE had abandoned my family and me that we had done something wrong, that I was not worth anything, I trusted GOD’S Way.

Not my will LORD, but YOUR will be done!
Luke: ‪22:42‬

Because I know…
“There is NO CONDEMNATION for those that are in CHRIST JESUS!”
Romans 8:1

From the moment of the first “Ground Truth Testimony” to my first post/blog, I have placed my faith and trust in GOD’S Way. No matter how painful, no matter what the doctors and specialist said, no matter what anyone else said, and no matter what my thoughts were, I had to trust in GOD’s Way. It was/is the only thing I had left!

We just prayed, sat, watched, and waited for God’s answer.

“FATHER, not my will, but what YOU will!”
(Mark 14:36)

Day 6 – 10 Day Walk Out of the Valley of Darkness: Reflection

Day 6

October 21, 2019

Reflection

Early this morning, on Day 6, when I should have been doing homework, I was reflecting on my life. I thought about what I thought I have done wrong in my life, or what I could have done differently, and if that would have made a difference.
I know that GOD is purposeful in all that he does, and he does not make any mistakes. GOD does not operate in the what-ifs, I believe HE operates in the here, now, and for our good in our future.

“To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.”
Isiah 6:13

So instead of thinking about what I could have done differently in my past, I have chosen to focus on what I have done right and what GOD has done and is doing in my life.

I have chosen to focus on my future and what GOD has in store for my future.
I have chosen to embrace this new life I have been given instead of fighting it.
I have chosen to let go and let GOD reign and rule in my life.
I have chosen to love instead of allowing hurt, anger, and sadness to rule my life.
I have chosen beauty instead of ashes.
I have chosen the oil of joy instead of mourning
I have chosen the garment of praise instead of the spirit of heaviness.
Even though there may still be some tough days ahead, but…
I will try to smile instead of frown.
I will try to laugh instead of cry.
I will think of things up above instead of what is in front of my face.
I will think of whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable.
I will think about anything excellent or praiseworthy!
But no matter what… I will praise GOD!