From the Pit to a Firm Foundation

From the Pit to a Firm Foundation

Thursday, September 17, 2020

I lived in a dark hole.  In a pit with my 3 D’s, desperation, depression, and despair.

A voice stifled…

I often think of all the little girls and boys who had their voices stifled at a young age.

Our innocents are stolen and taken away.

Our souls are broken and shattered.

Our spirits are tainted and corrupted.

Our lives are marked for destruction.

Our relationships are compromised before they start.

Our happiness is fake.

Our joy is nonexistent.

We had to learn how to survive.

We had to learn how to live.

Our lives were literally put on hold.

But there is hope… and that hope is JESUS.

Viola Davis said, “The two most important days in your life is the day you were born and the day you discovered why you were born”  To those of us that have been abused, bullied, talked about, and or mistreated, finding a reason to live or to go on is difficult.  

When construction on a house starts most times, a hole is dug to pour the concrete for the foundation. This step is crucial because if you have a week foundation, your house or building could fall or crumble.

“He is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation of the rock.  And when a flood arose, the stream broke against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built” (Luke6:48).

When I was young, my Uncle Homer and Auntie Perk took me to church and introduced me to GOD.  I did not know that their actions would not only change my life; it would one day save the life of my family.  Their efforts purchased the plot for my foundation.

I went to church, Sunday school, Bible study, choir rehearsal, Junior Usher Board practice, and I still did not completely understand what or who God was in my life.  Baptized at the age of 12, I believe this is where my foundation was poured; God filled my dark pit.   Now, change was not sudden and definitely did not happen overnight. As a matter of fact, it took years of mistakes and bad decisions.  However, as I started to build my house no matter what happened, my foundation stood firm and withstood the test of time. 

I have had many trials and hardships in my life that continued to test this foundation.  Over the years, I have strengthened my relationship with the Lord, thus fortifying my foundation.  Many of my houses have fallen and crumbled, but because of my firm foundation, I was able to build, rebuild, and rebuild. This last trial almost took my life and shook my foundation to the core. As I wanted to die and crawl under my foundation, as I thought my foundation would be blown away, as I thought my foundation would crumble, it stood firm. 

“But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come, and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash” (Matthew 7:26-27)

It stood strong because it was fortified by the Blood of JESUS CHRIST. 

I have screamed…

I have gotten angry…

I have cried…

I wanted to give up…

But my GOD remained steadfast and loyal to me, and for some reason, HE would not let me go! 

As my oldest daughter and I quietly celebrated my late husband’s life without many tears and anguish, I realized that I have grown.  I have accepted the will of GOD, and I have learned to live and move forward. Yes, my therapy played a tremendous role in my progression, but without the grace of GOD, I would still be in my pit of the 3D’s that the devil planned for me.  Because of JESUS, I went from living in a pit of desperation, depression, and despair to standing on the firm foundation that the LORD has planned for me.  I will continue to set my mind on the things above.

If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God.  Set your mind on the things above, not things on earth” (Colossians 3:1-2)

I am far from perfect, and I know I will have many more trials ahead. However, I take hope in knowing that my strength lies solely with the LORD and his plans for me and my life. 

I am ready

I am willing

Thank GOD, I am still here to be able!

God Blessings!

I love you all!

May you always find your blessing in the storm.

I KNOW…

I KNOW…

Wednesday, August 19, 2020

My Wednesday night Facebook prayer group prayed about the healing and restoration power of Jesus.

There was a time in my life that I did not know where I was going.
I did not know if I would make it through the next second, let alone the next day.

I did not know how my daughters or I would survive.

I did not know to sleep without crying myself to sleep.

I did not know what to do when people who loved me turned their backs on me.

I did not know what happened to my future, my promises, my hopes, my dreams.

I did not know how to get up out of the pit the devil created for me.

All I did know was fear, doubt, anger, disbelief, sadness, pain, and sorrow.

I may have forgotten where comes my help.

I may have for a moment forgotten who I belong to…

But I know a Healer!
I know my Provider!
I know my Deliver!
I know my Waymaker!
I know my Provider!
I know my Ultimate Friend!
I know my Miracle Maker
I know my Comforter!
I know my Promise Keeper
I know WHO holds my future!
I know the GREAT I AM!
I know JESUS!!

Thank you, JESUS, because… I know that HE healed my broken spirit and my soul!

Thank you, JESUS, because… I know that HE healed my broken heart!

Thank you, JESUS, because… I know HE made a way when I could not see it!

Thank you, JESUS, because… I know that HE yanked me out of my pit!

Thank you, JESUS, because… I know that HE can do the same for you!

I know that you NEED to trust HIM!
I know that you allow HIM to love on you!

I know that GOD has a purpose and a plan for your life!

I know that you need to let HIM into your life!

I know that HE will bless your life!
I know that JESUS loves you with agape love!

I know that there is NOTHING that you can do to keep HIM from love you!

I need you to know that GOD is waiting to welcome you with open arms!

I need you to know that HE is ready to forgive you!

I know that if I did not have that foundation built on the blood of JESUS, I would have never survived the darkest moment of my life.
All you need to do is call out to HIM and ask HIM into your life.
Allow JESUS to heal and bless you. I promise you… you will NEVER be the same.

If you would like to join us on Wednesday nights, please let me know!

I love you all,
Have a Blessed night

Faith & Trust – Fear

Wednesday, 20 May 2020

It has been a while since I have blogged, and I have resisted writing this blog post.  God has been speaking to me about trust, and it has been the topic of our prayer line and others. I did not know what I wanted to say, but when God is tugging at your spirit, you must submit, or at least I submit.

You would think that with COVID-19 and the stay at home orders life would have slowed down for me.  I am blessed to work from home, but I am also a part-time graduate student, and I still had duties to my church, community, and sorority.  I have often wondered how I was maintaining before.

“But GOD” 

As I sit here and ponder about the states and cities opening back up and can’t help but wonder if it is too soon.  I don’t go out much, and I must admit I do panic a little when I go to certain grocery stores.  I try to stick to shopping at the commissary and the BX on the fort.  They have handled this crisis with military order and professionalism.

Our nation is trying to go back to normal, but what is normal?  I don’t think that we will ever be normal. So, what are our choices?   We can choose to live in fear or have faith and trust God.  Let’s talk about the latter.

2nd Timothy says God has not given us a spirit of fear but of love, peace, and a sound mind. 

Fear does not come from the Lord. 

I have tried to write this blog since last week, and I could not put the words together. But earlier this week, one of my prayer leaders spoke about praise and then another day trust.  He said, “Praise is justified just because it is!” He also stated, “We must trust and have faith in God.”

For what I have experienced in my life, I have learned to have faith and trust God.  I have also learned how to praise him while I am expecting.

While I was in the deep state of depression
While I was going through the early stages of grief
While I did not know how to pray for myself
When I did not want to live
When I did not know how I would make it to the next day
When I could not stop crying

One thing I finally realized was that God had NOT forgotten me!

He felt every painF887936E-8141-41ED-8060-0D3BF026BDF2
He grieved with me
He pleaded for me
He kept me alive
He made sure I made it to the next moment
He consoled and cared for me when I was crying

God did all of this for me, but I had to let go of my fear of living and have faith and trust that God would carry me through it all.

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It did not matter what I faced; I had to press on, and I had to persevere.  I had to survive and live, but first, I had to TRUST.

 

 

 

So, I ask you today, no matter what if going on in your life.
No matter what situation you are facing
No matter what the world or the doctors are saying.

Whose report will you believe?

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So, ask you today…

Faith & Trust or Fear? The choice is always yours.

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I love you all
Be Blessed in the Lord

 

Trust God

His results are amazing!
Thursday, January 23, 2020

Hey Beloveds,

Of Course, when the Lord inspires as me to write well…I write. I tried everything to make this post yesterday, but I ran up against so many roadblocks!

However, it did give me more time to think about what Minister Kai said yesterday morning about digging out of the deep, out of the darkness. This morning he talked about peace and being who God created us to be, and we can’t do that until we find the peace that only GOD can give.

Many of you know I have been in the valley of the shadow of death. I was in the bottomless pit of darkness. It was not easy digging and climbing out of that pit, but I know that I could not have done it without the Lord.

I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel, the dark pit of despair. It was easier for me to stay where I was are rather than charter to the unknown and try digging myself out. Let me tell you, staying in the dark pit is no place for us to be, and God does not want us to stay there. I had a temporary residence in this hellacious pit!

This is a place where the enemy lives and rules.

The devil loves that place because in his home in his presence…

There is disparity
There is desperateness
There is no peace
There is judgment
There is evil
There are suicidal thoughts
Everything that is the opposite of what our Father wants for us is in that bottomless dark pit of despair.

The Good News is you don’t have to stay there!
Yes, there is a way out!

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You MUST trust God through the process
You MUST lean on him
You MUST put all your faith
You MUST put hope
You MUST believe in him

 

 

 

 

I promise He will lead you out of that pit.
He will put all the necessary resources that you will need to help you get and stay out!

Please don’t give up and trust God. He has always been there. He is still here for you!
He said that HE will never leave you nor forsake you! 100% TRUTH!!

In my moments of despair and desperation, God did not leave me.
I was hurt. I was angry. I felt hopeless.
I left him. I walked away. I turned my back. I chose not to trust.
I decided to let the enemy in my head.

But God was there!
HE never left my side!
He was continually telling me that he loves me
That he has plans for me
He said that it was NOT my time

But, even during my time in the darkness, HE used me, and HE never gave up on me, and eventually, I didn’t give up on myself.
But I had a choice to make….

I had to choose to be who God created me to be, He equipped me for this time
I had to choose to dig out, but I didn’t dig out alone
I had to choose to live, but I don’t live alone
I had to choose to heal, but I did not heal alone
I had to choose to pray, but I did pray alone
I had to decide to step out on faith, but I DON’T walk alone
I have my JESUS with me every step of the way!

“Only those who believe that Jesus Christ is God’s Son can overcome the world”
                                                                                     1 John 5:4

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I overcame my circumstances because I did not give up. I fought hard, and I trusted God because HE believed in me, and I believed in JESUS!
Thank you, LORD!

I love you all!
Have a fantastic day!

JESUS JOY

Happy New Year!!!

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JESUS JOY

I am not going to blog or write about my expectations for 2020. Yes, even my daughters were shocked.

I have my goals and what I want out of 2020, but I am choosing to move silently, allowing GOD to direct my path. Anything God has for me, I am ready to receive.

However, our prayer focus for this morning was perfect, and God placed it upon my heart to share my journey to JESUS JOY.

If you have not read my post over the past 4 years or my blog, I lost my late husband in October of 2016. I suffered from depression, suicidal thoughts, feelings of worthlessness, I was an understandable mess. But God was not having it, and honestly, neither was I!

I have moved forward with my life and I have so much JOY and genuine happiness in my life!

I had to dig deep to find the Joy that God had placed in me when he formed me before I was placed in my mother’s womb. It was JESUS JOY

It is something that has carried me for the past 3 years going in my 4th year.

Year 1 Restoration
Year 2 Renewal
Year 3 Rejuvenation
Year 4 Discovery.
(I will write about these at a later date)

Joy, true JESUS JOY is rooted deep within our soul, and only Jesus can give us that pure Joy!

NO ONE can be truly happy without JESUS JOY.

I can tell you, I am a living witness… it is a facade, it is fake happiness.

The Lord saved me from my dark place, and I am not the person I was three years ago. HIS JOY was, and is definitely my strength!

Happiness in a surface emotion, but the true JESUS JOY that comes from the LORD is deeper.

It requires something from us…
It requires us to take some action…
It requires us to have something…
It requires us to be somewhere

What does it require? 

It requires us to have something… FAITH

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My faith is a foundation on which I have always stood, so holding on to my faith was not hard. I just needed to be reminded of and remind myself that God is still with me no matter what! Faith is something that does not just happen faith some after you have been through some things, and we have sought God, and he has been there. Faith is not in the CHURCH faith is IN GOD and only GOD!

It requires us to take some action… pray, petition, and or (if needed) seek therapy

We have to want Joy in our lives. I know for me I did not want to feel depressed, I knew that deep down I did not want to commit suicide, but I also knew that I had to do something about the thoughts that were tormenting my mind. I had to pray, and others were praying for me. I mention the prayer focus above that comes from a prayer line where we get together Monday through Friday morning to pray for each other, our community, and this country. The saints on that prayer line and others prayed me out of the darkness, and God let me to therapy. Believe me, both were desperately needed.

It requires something from us… total surrender

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We cannot give something over to God and keep picking it up. Ether, we give it to him and let it go, or we keep worrying about it.

Worrying will prevent you from having JESUS JOY.

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It requires us to be somewhere… In a position to receive

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JESUS JOY just won’t come and perch its self on you. It requires you to be in a position to receive it. After you have kept the faith, prayed, and given over whatever is keeping you from God’s Joy, then you are in a position to receive true JESUS JOY. It will not be easy because the enemy will try to convince us that happiness and Joy are the same things. THEY ARE NOT! He will try to convince us that we do not need JESUS JOY.

I believe we were created and born with Jesus Joy, but life circumstances will cause us to suppress it. Think about a child they are joyful. Think about a baby’s belly laugh; it will bring a smile to our face and warmth to our heart. They are experiencing pure and true JESUS JOY. It is the strength that sustains us.

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I am the poster child for choosing Joy regardless of my circumstances. I refuse to give the enemy any joy, kudos, or accolades over my life. God has been way too good for me to allow this to happen.

If I am declaring and promoting anything publicly for 2020, I am declaring that I continue I choose and promote that I still choose to have JESUS JOY over anything.

When you think about Jesus Joy, it’s clear and straightforward…

The Joy of the Lord is your strength.
(Nehemiah 8:10)

Day 8 – 10 Day Walk Out of the Valley of Darkness Survival (continued existence)

Day 8

October 23, 2019

Survival (continued existence)

On Day 8, three years ago, as I sat and watched a beautiful, well-lived life diminish from this reality, I could not help but think about my own existence. When you are faced with someone else’s mortality, you can’t help but think about your own.

However, on day 8 today, we are faced with another life gone too soon by their own hands. Another mother, father, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends left in the aftermath. I have always been very intentional and upfront about my own experiences with suicide and depression, and I have promised that I will tell my testimony when it is needed and requested.

I am so glad that on the night I was home alone and I was faced with the agonizing decision if I wanted to end my life that Lord inserted into my head visions of my babies, and not just my babies I gave birth to. Still, my babies, I have adopted into my life over the years.

What would life be for them if I took my own life?

Would my daughters survive my death after their father’s death?

How could I have preached and taught that the love of Christ is there for everyone who accepts it, and I did not?

How could I have said all these years, God can get you through anything if you only trust him, and I did not?

”The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.” (John: 10:10)

That night I had the potential to burst every dream, turn hope into despair, betray love, and turn trust into doubt in the minds of young people God had allowed into my life. God trusted me with their minds, hearts, and souls, and I was about to betray them and the LORD. I cried and cried that night and then the next day when I went to Munson Army Health Center, for a doctor’s appointment. I checked the, “Yes, I have thoughts of suicide in the past months” That statement was not looked over, actions were taken that day, and I was sitting before a clinical social worker to get evaluated. Within the next few weeks, God led me to an excellent Christian therapist.

Disclaimer: (as I have said many times)

I do not doubt that God can and will get you through anything, even suicide. HOWEVER, for me, my heart and my mind is so clouded with sadness, anger, and hurt, I could not hear from God. I was in a deep depression.

But, he heard me, and he pulled me through darkness into His light. Once I was able to deal with my depression, I was able to handle the guilt, sadness, hurt, and anger. I was then able to hear from God clearly.

Depression is not a fad that will go away. Depression is real and very prevalent in our society, including young people and the African American community, whether they want to admit to it or not!

We can no longer sit idly by and say they are too young to have those feelings or thoughts or black people don’t go to therapy, or you are weak if you go to therapy!

IT HAS TO STOP!!

We are losing too many of our young people to suicides!!

If you are having feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or worthlessness

If you are feeling angry, of frustrated of small things

If you are having a loss of interest in your normal activates

If you lack energy or you are tired all the time

IF YOU ARE HAVING THOUGHTS OF DEATH AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

I BEG YOU… PLEASE SEEK HELP

See your family doctor, clinic of a mental health professional as soon as possible!

If you are reluctant, see any of the above. PLEASE talk to a friend, loved one, your pastor, or anyone you can trust!

Call the suicide hotline number:

‪1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)‬

IF you are a VETERAN use that same number and press “1” to reach the Veterans Crisis Line

FRIENDS, FAMILY, and LOVED ONES:

If someone tells you they are contemplating suicide if they say they are hurting and the pain won’t go away, PLEASE take them seriously!

Stay with them until you can get them to a mental health professional, the ER, if you can’t, do not hesitate or call ‪911‬.

We need you!

The world needs you!

I chose to live, and so can YOU!

I love you all with all the love that Jesus has for you!

😘♥️😘

One of Those Days

First, I want to say that I always write and blog when I am happy, and things are going well.  As a blogger, I always want to be truthful, transparent, intentional, and upfront. Most days, I am upbeat and ready to conquer the world. There are also “One of Those Days.”  Well, I am having one of those “Other of Those Days.”

I am having one of those days where I want to crawl back into bed and have a good cry.

I am having one of those days where everything seems to go wrong. 

Woke up late.

Trash all over the yard from the animals.

Slow cars

Back up at the gate

&

I left my glasses at home.

I am having one of those days where right now, I don’t want to look on the bright side.

I am having one of those days where although it is sunny outside I feel like it is raining.

I am having one of those days where life does not seem fair.

I am having one of those days where I question my past, and every decision I have made.

I am having one of those days where I question my purpose and my existence.

I am having one of those days where nothing at all seems clear or make sense.

I am having one of those days where I don’t want to be strong.

I am having one of those days where I feel that I am not good enough.

I am having one of those days where my dark safe place starts to look good again.

I am having one of those days where I think, “What is the true meaning of life.”

I am having one of those days where old thoughts and fears want to creep back in my head.

I am having one of those days where even though I am having “One of Those Days,” I can’t reside here.

Even though I am having one of those days, I won’t allow the enemy to disrupt my progress. 

Even though I am having one of those days, I won’t give the enemy any victory over my day.

Even though I am having one of those days, I won’t fall back into the enemy trap of depression.

Even though I am having one of those days, I can see past the enemy distractions and illusions.

Even though I am having one of these days, I DO know where my help and strength comes from.

Even though I am having one of these days, I am here, surviving, thriving, and I am living.

Even though he may have gotten a moment, the battle is still won by Jesus. Therefore, I am still winning!

Blessings and Love to you all!

The Road to Restoration

Friday, August 30, 2019

My word for this Friday is Restoration. 

Restoration means a lot of things:

Refurbishment

Repair

Renewal

Rebuilding

Transformation 

Rejuvenation 

Reconstructing 

Restoring

For me, restoration means reestablishing and discovering who I am outside of who I was. I am learning to find my own way with my rules.  I can tell you in the past three years I have made tons and tons of mistakes.  There were so many things I was not aware of or had never done.  You must realize I went from my grandmother’s home to my husband’s house. My life was completely turned upside down in every single area! There are things I wish I knew, there are things I wish I hadn’t done, and many there are many things that I have done that I am very proud of. But…

 

For a while, I did whatever I wanted because I seriously was not planning on living for long.  (Don’t be surprised or shocked... depression and grief are real, and I was suffering!) But then after hours of prayer and therapy, God convinced me of my worth on my own and that I was NOT going anywhere! He said He had somethings I needed to do; He was not finish with me. Now I needed to get my act together! I do have some major cleaning up in my life to do, but I know that I am not alone! 

 

My life now is nothing like I thought it would be.  Nothing worked out the way I wanted or the way I planned. However, my life is not bad, it’s not easy, it’s pretty good, but I am also learning every day how to move forward with the hand I have been given. God has placed some extraordinary people in my life that pray for me, check on me, and will continue to love me in spite of my defects, flaws, and imperfections.  

They are my…

Let me leave you with this: Mostly we must know that God will love us, forgive us, never leave us, and guide us no matter what we do. He will always be there for us.  Believe me; it took me a while to get back to this frame of mind and way of thinking. 

What is left now… I continue to move forward, learn from my mistakes, and operate in the attitude of restoration. Meaning I will not be hard on myself for living and making mistakes. I am thankful to be alive, breathing, walking, testimony of HIS great love for me.  I am a mess, but, HE will take this mess and turn it into a great message!

I love you all

Have a blessed an Amazing Weekend!

 

Purging my Life: Part 3 (continue..) Mentally Learning How to Breathe Again Purging the Toxins Out of My Mind and Finding Joy Again

July 5, 2019

My Therapy Experience

My experience with therapy has been nothing but awesome and positive.  God had led me to an amazing therapist, which I connected with, and I started my journey to healing and wellness. 

Remember those stages of grief I told you about earlier, I have hit them all and I sometimes bounce back and forth between them depending on the triggers or what is going on in my life at the time. In February of 2017, when I sat down with my therapist the first thing she said was, “Lolita, tell me what is going on with you.” I started to tell her all the things that had been going on in my life thus far. After about 30 minutes and many Kleenex later, I finally let her speak.  She said, “Lolita, I first want you to know that you have done nothing wrong and God is always with you.”  I knew that because she first acknowledged God before anything else I knew that I was in the right place and that God had led me to the right therapist.  

I started out seeing my therapist twice a month.  I had a lot of things I needed to work out and my emotions, my moods, and my thoughts were all over the place. My therapist was able to give me the tools I needed to combat and battle depression.   After attending a few sessions, I knew that there was no way would I be able to do this on my own.  Yes, I did pray and I prayed a lot.  My village was praying for me and getting therapy was the answer to our prayers.  However, I had to get off my butt and seek help instead of sinking deeper and deeper into depression.  God would not let me give up, so off to therapy I went. 

Session after session I felt myself becoming stronger and coping with my emotions. I was able to be a strong mother for my daughters and others who were grieving along with us. I remember after one of my sessions I thought to myself, “I am going to make it,” “The enemy will NOT win,” “I will survive this,” “Victory is mine because I have victory in JESUS.”  

It was because of my therapy that I am writing this blog.  It is because of therapy I am alive to write this blog! I wanted others to know that therapy is not a bad thing. Therapy is not the taboo or this evil that has been wrongly categorized in our community for years.  Therapy is very healthy and I believe that for me it is essential to my self-care.

I have been in therapy for over two years now.  By now, monthly sessions have been crucial to my overall well-being. My head is clearer, I can think straight, and my therapist is helping me to work on future goals, now that I know that I still have a future.  Yes, I believe the Lord always had a plan for me but I also know that I could not see past my own hurt, pain, misery, destruction and whatever negative word you can insert, to accept and embrace HIS plan.  

Therapy for me is a gateway to help me see past any negative thoughts or perceptions I have about my life or myself.  This has enabled me to see the bright and prosperous future that the Lord has intended for me. Remember you are stronger than you think you are. Do not be afraid to seek the help you need. Make that appointment with a therapist today.  You should be afraid if you do not seek help and end up staying in the same depressive state you may be currently experiencing, and THAT is NOT healthy!

It is not about “telling your business,” or “keeping things in the house”. It is about making sure you are mentally healthy.  It is about taking care of yourself. It is about self-motivation, self-care, and self-preservation.  It is about learning how to breathe again and discovering that joy again in your life. 

I know that if I can do it so can everyone else!

 

I love you all! 

Be at peace & Have a Beautifully Blessed Day!

Purging my Life: Part 3 (Continued)

Mentally

Learning How to Breathe Again

Purging the Toxins Out of My Mind & Finding Joy Again

 May 20, 2019

When you are finding it hard to take your next breath, you have to find a way to move forward and breathe again.  Finding the RIGHT therapist was the next move for me.

Finding the Right Therapist

Finding the right therapist is a process and it is not an easy process.  You should meet and talk with them to get a feel for their methods and to see if they are the right fit for you.  If you can find the right therapist the first time around then you are blessed!  I talked with a few therapist before I found the right person. They were all very nice people, but I prayed for God to show me the right one.  I was very meticulous, so I also had a few criteria’s that I was looking for in a therapist.

I needed someone objective who could listen.

I needed someone who would teach practical solutions and help me clear my head.

I needed someone to help me find my courage to fight and not to fear going forward with my life.

I needed someone to help me find my way back to my source of power.

I needed someone who would respect my belief system.

I needed someone to help me pick up the shattered and fracture pieces of what was left of my life.

 A faithful God believing, Bible believing Christian.

“Listen to advice and accept discipline, at the end you will be counted among the wise. Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” (Proverbs 19:20-21)

My faith is very important to me, so I know I needed a therapist I could learn to trust, who was like-minded and has a similar belief system as I do.  I knew that God was the source and power of my strength, but the grief and pain in my mind was not allowing me to connect.  It is as if you know your cell phone is dying and you need to find a charger for your brand of phone. However, you cannot use any charger, you have to find the right charger for your phone, or it is not going to work. This is why I was having such a hard time dealing with my struggles in my life.  I was plugging in to grief, pain, misery, and to an enemy that not only did not care about me but also hated me with every ounce of his being!  Who is the source nothing but calamity, chaos, and confusion!

I needed to reconnect to the source of my strength.

I needed to reconnect to the Lord.

What I was not going to do was:

I was NOT going to entertain anyone that went against the word of God.

I was NOT going to entertain anyone that went against my belief in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.

I was NOT going to entertain anyone that challenged my faith as a believer.

I was not going to compromise or settle because I knew that my soul would not be satisfied until I had gotten my connection to God back.

Specializes in grief therapy and the processes of grief

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)

How can a therapist give me the proper tool to deal with my grief without having the proper training in grief therapy? My girls and I were deeply grieving and dealing with anxiety regarding our future.  I was dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts. We were broken hearted and our spirits were crushed.  We needed someone who was going to be able to deal with every spectrum of our grieving process. In my own research, as I looked for a therapist I noticed many standards that classified grief.  According to Psych Central, there are five stages of grief:

Denial and isolation

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

“People who are grieving do not necessarily go through the stages in the same order or experience all of them.” (Psych Central)

However, I think that I more related to the article from Proactive Change, which stated, This is not a mechanistic model — the stages do not occur the same way for all people; they can last very little time, or a lot of time; and they can be inter-related.” (Proactive Change)  These are the seven stages of grief that they list:

Shock or Disbelief
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Guilt
Depression
Acceptance and Hope

I know that some people do not hit all the stages of grief but I know that I went/going through them all and not in this order.

I will go into my experience with this later but this site gives you the breakdown of each stage if you want to read more.

https://proactivechange.com/stress/grief-stages.htm

new-understanding-the-stages-of-grief-1

https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/grief/understanding-the-stages-of-grief/

My therapist Dr. Jacqueline Pfeiffer has been helping my daughters and myself on all these aspects of this grief journey/process and it has changed my life.

 

My daughters HAD to be comfortable with the therapist as well

It was important for the continuity of our care that my girls saw the same therapist.  She does not discuss our issues with the other, but she use our sessions to help us as a family unit.  That is why I needed for each of them to see the therapist as well and get their input and their thoughts.  God placed an awesome therapist in our lives.  We all liked her and seemed to open up to her easily. It is very important for me to pray for God to send me the right therapist.  If you cannot open up to your therapist about what is going on in your head or be able to tell them your deepest darkest secrets, then you are wasting theirs and your time. Therapy only works if you put your all into the sessions.

My daughters were dealing with their own set of issues and they needed someone other than mom to talk about what they were going through.  I lost my husband but my daughters lost their Daddy.  They will have to deal with the fact that he will not be available for all of their firsts that will continue happened in their lives.  This is something that they could not nor could I navigate on our own.  We needed help and sound advice on how we could take the next steps to the new chapter of our life.

All those stages of grief we experienced and we still experience are the steps we need to take toward our healing process. We took a giant leap of faith in trusting someone, a stranger at first, with the sanity of our minds, and the fragile contents of what was left our hearts.

Once all the key elements were in order and in place, we were able to go forward with our healing and rejuvenation process.

  1 Axelrod, J. (2019). The 5 Stages of Grief & Loss. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 14, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/
2 2019 Proactive Change and Proactive Coach https://proactivechange.com/stress/grief-stages.htm