October 23, 2019
Survival (continued existence)
On Day 8, three years ago, as I sat and watched a beautiful, well-lived life diminish from this reality, I could not help but think about my own existence. When you are faced with someone else’s mortality, you can’t help but think about your own.
However, on day 8 today, we are faced with another life gone too soon by their own hands. Another mother, father, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends left in the aftermath. I have always been very intentional and upfront about my own experiences with suicide and depression, and I have promised that I will tell my testimony when it is needed and requested.
I am so glad that on the night I was home alone and I was faced with the agonizing decision if I wanted to end my life that Lord inserted into my head visions of my babies, and not just my babies I gave birth to. Still, my babies, I have adopted into my life over the years.
What would life be for them if I took my own life?
Would my daughters survive my death after their father’s death?
How could I have preached and taught that the love of Christ is there for everyone who accepts it, and I did not?
How could I have said all these years, God can get you through anything if you only trust him, and I did not?
”The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.” (John: 10:10)
That night I had the potential to burst every dream, turn hope into despair, betray love, and turn trust into doubt in the minds of young people God had allowed into my life. God trusted me with their minds, hearts, and souls, and I was about to betray them and the LORD. I cried and cried that night and then the next day when I went to Munson Army Health Center, for a doctor’s appointment. I checked the, “Yes, I have thoughts of suicide in the past months” That statement was not looked over, actions were taken that day, and I was sitting before a clinical social worker to get evaluated. Within the next few weeks, God led me to an excellent Christian therapist.
Disclaimer: (as I have said many times)
I do not doubt that God can and will get you through anything, even suicide. HOWEVER, for me, my heart and my mind is so clouded with sadness, anger, and hurt, I could not hear from God. I was in a deep depression.
But, he heard me, and he pulled me through darkness into His light. Once I was able to deal with my depression, I was able to handle the guilt, sadness, hurt, and anger. I was then able to hear from God clearly.
Depression is not a fad that will go away. Depression is real and very prevalent in our society, including young people and the African American community, whether they want to admit to it or not!
We can no longer sit idly by and say they are too young to have those feelings or thoughts or black people don’t go to therapy, or you are weak if you go to therapy!
IT HAS TO STOP!!
We are losing too many of our young people to suicides!!
If you are having feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or worthlessness
If you are feeling angry, of frustrated of small things
If you are having a loss of interest in your normal activates
If you lack energy or you are tired all the time
IF YOU ARE HAVING THOUGHTS OF DEATH AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS
I BEG YOU… PLEASE SEEK HELP
See your family doctor, clinic of a mental health professional as soon as possible!
If you are reluctant, see any of the above. PLEASE talk to a friend, loved one, your pastor, or anyone you can trust!
Call the suicide hotline number:
IF you are a VETERAN use that same number and press “1” to reach the Veterans Crisis Line
FRIENDS, FAMILY, and LOVED ONES:
If someone tells you they are contemplating suicide if they say they are hurting and the pain won’t go away, PLEASE take them seriously!
Stay with them until you can get them to a mental health professional, the ER, if you can’t, do not hesitate or call 911.
We need you!
The world needs you!
I chose to live, and so can YOU!
I love you all with all the love that Jesus has for you!