October 22, 2019
Day 7, on this day three years ago, after we heard all of the doctors, specialists, palliative care representatives, and chaplains, and after much prayer discussion, anger, sadness, and crying, we finally had to put our unwavering trust in the LORD.
I did not understand and …
I still don’t understand the reason why my life took such a turn.
I did not understand why I left with such devastation in destruction.
I did not understand why I was left to pick up so many broken pieces of my life.
I could not fathom why I was left to mend my heart broken into a million pieces
I could not comprehend why I was left to console our beautiful daughters.
I could not figure out why I was left alone to parent our daughters.
I could not decipher why I was abandoned and left alone…
I could not understand why my life, like a discarded sitcom, without warning, reasoning, or goodbye…
I could not understand why my life was canceled…
GOD, I don’t understand why things are happening the way they are in my life right now, but I do understand that your ways are better than mine.
I trust you, GOD!
For me, it was GOD’S Way or NO WAY!
When all those circumstances above made no sense, I had to trust GOD’s Way.
When I wanted to do it my way, I had to trust GOD’s Way.
I never gave up hope because I decided to trust GOD’s Way.
I had to trust my life and the life of my children to GOD’S Way.
Even when I was alone and sinking deep in depression, I had to trust GOD’s Way.
Even when I was screaming and crying on the inside but keeping a brave face on the outside, I had to trust GOD’s Way.
Even when the voices in my head were spouting words of condemnation, that I could not trust GOD, that HE had abandoned my family and me that we had done something wrong, that I was not worth anything, I trusted GOD’S Way.
Not my will LORD, but YOUR will be done!
Because I know…
“There is NO CONDEMNATION for those that are in CHRIST JESUS!”
From the moment of the first “Ground Truth Testimony” to my first post/blog, I have placed my faith and trust in GOD’S Way. No matter how painful, no matter what the doctors and specialist said, no matter what anyone else said, and no matter what my thoughts were, I had to trust in GOD’s Way. It was/is the only thing I had left!
We just prayed, sat, watched, and waited for God’s answer.
“FATHER, not my will, but what YOU will!”