May 13, 2019
I am taking a little break from “Purging My Life” series to write about my experience this past Saturday.
I love when my jewelry speaks for me. The bracelet I choose to wear today just set the way I felt when I woke up this morning. God will speak to you in the most incredible but yet simplest ways.
“I will hold myself to a standard of Grace not perfection”
(1 Corinthians 15:10)
Human beings seem to strive for this unattainable perfection. It seems to be embedded in all of us to strive for impossible perfection. Yes, I did say unattainable and impossible, because I believe it is unattainable and impossible for us to reach perfection outside of the presences of God. I do not think that we should ever strive for perfection, but until I am with the Father in heaven, I will strive for Grace.
Ephesians 2:8-9: “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God; not by works, so that no one can boast.
Growing up I was always told, “Practice makes perfect.” What does that mean? I played violin from 2nd grade to 11th grade and we were told this quote repeatedly. I can tell you I practiced all the time and I was good but I was far from perfect. That was very disappointing to a child to play all those hours and I never reach the perfection that our Orchestra Director told us we should achieve. However, practice does make better or practice does cause improvement.
So whenever I had to speak in front of a group of people I would get very anxious and nervous, because I was striving for this notion of perfection! I know I will not be perfect and I was always afraid of messing up. I was always told more about what I was doing wrong than what I was doing good or right. Some believe all this toughness will make you stronger.
It does not make you stronger it rips you apart little by little and you are then afraid to strive for the greatness that God has planned for you. Worst more of this negative talking and thinking will cause depression and then the thoughts of suicide can follow.
On Saturday, My chapter, The Leavenworth Alumnae Chapter of Delta Sigma, Theta Sorority, Inc hosted our 1st Annual Behavioral Health Fair. I was asked to tell about my journey with depression. I said I would need to pray and think about it but later I reluctantly said yes, because I was immediately convicted and was told that words I speak can inspire others. God reminded me that He had greater things planned for me; I just need to continue to step out on faith. I needed to step out of my comfort zone!
I have been asking God to use me so I knew that I could not pass up this moment to tell my story. Therefore, I stood up in front of an audience of my sorority sisters and members of the community and told my testimony of how I live with depression. Yes, I did say how I live with depression. I am not over anything, but what has happened is that I have learned to live an awesome life despite any depression. I know what my triggers are and I stay on top of it to counteract the negative and minimize the damage. I was very nervous but I needed to tell my story with the hope that others might be able to tell their own story one day.
I want to be a voice for those that cannot or are not able to speak for themselves until they are able to speak up and tell their own stories. You do not need to wait until you achieve what you feel is perfection to have your words heard. If you are scared, do it scared. Just go for it! I started writing while I was a broken mess. My therapist suggested I start writing, journaling, and starting this blog page. The more I wrote about my depression, grief, brokenness, and the goodness of God through it all, the more the pieces of my shattered life starting mending. I was encouraged to write but more God encouraged me to live., and starting this blog page. The more I wrote about my depression, grief, brokenness, and the goodness of God through it all, the more the pieces of my shattered life starting mending. I was encouraged to write but more God encouraged me to live.
We have to change the narrative. It is no longer acceptable to keep berating anyone and pouring words, criticisms, and negativity into people’s lives. Yes, we should be able to accept constructive criticism, but we also have to look past the errors and reinforce each other with some positive God led affirmations. I would 100% guarantee for every negative we find in someone, we can find a positive. I believe that there are more positives then there are negatives. We need to build each other up not tear each other down. We need to strive even more for GRACE, not perfection.
I love you all,
Have a Beautifully Blessed Day